That's MY dad

Mom:  Canibikenow (6yo), go give this to your dad.
Trex (2yo):  That's not Cani's dad, that's MY dad!

Cleaning the kitchen

Trex (2yo) came downstairs while I was cleaning the kitchen recently.  I was laboring away the time while watching some show on TV.  Trex asked if he could turn off the show and play Wii Sports.  "No," says I, "not until I get done here in the kitchen and go in the bathroom."  My list for the day included the kitchen followed by the bathroom, and since you can't seen the TV from the bathroom, I figured he could wait until then to turn off my show and turn on his game.  Trex is patient, and he left the kitchen to pursue some worthy goal.  Several minutes later (probably 2), he came back dancing lightly from one foot to the other.  "Son," says I, "you need to go to the bathroom."  (2yo's sometimes need someone to tell them that they are doing the potty dance.)  "No," he counters, "YOU need to go to the bathroom."  Until that moment, I didn't know that you could do the potty dance for someone else.  He was very disappointed to learn that I still had plenty of cleaning in the kitchen (lifetimes, probably), and that no such urgent need as he displayed would call me from my duty.

A Caterpillar Me

Trex (2yo):  Mom, where are we going?
Mom:  To church
Trex:  Awww.  I want to go to a caterpillar me
Mom:  A Caterpillar You?  You want to go to A Caterpillar You?
Trex:  Yes
Mom:  What is that--I don't know what you're talking about.
Trex:  Yes.  I want to go to a caterpillar me, not church.
Abread (14yo):  Sorry buddy.  We're not going to Academy right now.

(Evidently Trex had fun in Academy recently--I can see why, they have balls, bikes, and other fun toys for boys.)

No more candy

Kooky:  Mom, I'm eating fruit for my snack since we're all out of candy.

Tough

My new life motto:
If you're going to be stupid, you'll have to be tough.

Went camping with the kids last weekend.

At 3pm, we pitched our tent in the ideal location.  At 8pm (after dark), we noticed the floodlight shining directly on it.

At 6pm, we left home with sleeping bags, toilettries and change of clothing.  At 9pm, we realized we had forgotten jackets.  At 10pm, we noticed that we had forgotten pillows.  At 7am, we wished we had remembered socks.

We loved the week-end.  We were tough.

Ball in my ear

Dad: Son, where's the ball we were playing with the other day? Let's play again today.
2yo: I don't know where it is.
Dad: Where did it go?
2yo: I know. It's in my ear.
Dad: <chuckling> No. It's not in your ear. Where is it?
2yo: <getting frustrated> It's in my ear.

Toad Biking

I had biked about 15 miles when I stopped for a moment to adjust my equipment.  The remote country road had no shoulder, so I was perched over the saddle about a foot or so into the road with my left foot clipped in and my whole apparatus leaning to the right.  Meanwhile, my left hand was zipping the underseat pouch, and my right had held my phone (which was tracking mileage and speed).

During the 2 minutes that I was stopped there, a couple cars passed me from behind.  As I was about to finish my tinkering, get a drink, and mount up again, I heard a vehicle slowing to a stop behind me.

"Oh, how nice," I thought, "someone has stopped to see if I need help."

No, I was wrong.

The angry lady knitting her brow in the pilot-seat of the slowing truck only wanted to issue me a warning,

"Get yourself a toad!!" she hollered.  And then she was gone--speeding up and turning to the right.

"Weird," I thought.  "A toad?"  "Why is she so angry anyway?"  It was a beautiful day--no toads in sight.  Or, maybe I hadn't heard quite right.  Maybe she didn't say toad--maybe road.  Maybe she wanted me to get off the road.  Well, that would explain her anger.  But I couldn't stop hearing the angry bark, "Get yourself a toad!" and giggling the rest of the way home.